Spiritual Cleansing

Yesterday I ran away from home. For a long while I have wanted to visit the Cops and Doughnuts bakery in Clare. It is about 2.5 hours from my home. Since traveling by myself is outside my comfort zone, I put the trip on hold. But due to the stress levels in my life lately, I knew it was time to take the leap. Besides there have been many things and decisions in the last few weeks that have certainly not been comfortable but intuitively I had to follow through with because not only my gut but my heart knew they were the right thing to do.
So…I made sure the gas tank was full, my cell phone was charged, cash was handy, maps were still in the car and directions were obtained. As I pulled out of the driveway, I asked God to keep me safe. There I was a 49.5 year old woman taking a leap into discomfort. But faith rode right along.
And the trip? Better than I could have imagined. In total I was gone for 5 hours. And believe me the day was so much more gratify!ing than paying a therapist. At first it felt VERY strange to be with just me, myself and I. But I adapted quite well to it. The jaunt was a reminder that one of my strengths is accepting change.
The day could not have been any better. It started out with rain and ended up sunny. The doughnut shop was easy to find as well. Apparently others had the same idea I had because the bakery was jammed! I ended up buying what I call a baker’s half dozen or 7 donuts. I calmly made my purchase and exited the store. Then I power walked to the car anticipating the donut I was going to eat first. Let me insert a confession, in the pre-healthy Annie days, I could have devoured ALL 7 donuts in one sitting!!! Now I don’t use food to ease emotions or stress. Instead I picked a custard filled, white frosted eclair, slowly savoring each scrumptious bite. Good thing I had paper towels in my car. The donut contained so much custard it squirted out with each bite. As for the other 6 donuts? They made it home, safe, sound and in one piece to share with my sons. And my comfort zone?
I have learned, throughout my years, the first step is always the hardest. The second step tends to pause, questioning. But if you push through to take a third step, pretty soon you will be soaring beyond comfort’s zone into places you never imagined. Traveling the road ahead is not going to be easy. You will stumble. You will fall. You will not want to move forward. But if you look just beyond where you are, you will see a steady hand reaching out, waiting for you to grasp a hold. And with His help He will guide you out of the valley into heights beyond the imagination and beyond anything ever dreamed of. All you have to do is leap and trust He will get you through.
Blessings and hoping that you experience Him and know He is walking beside you and in you.
Annie

Follow Me There

The last few weeks have been ones of emotional highs, lows, deep valleys and much climbing of hills. Some days I felt as if I was robot. Yesterday I was so tired, I went to bed, with lights out at 8 pm. However, today, at work I was walking through our bindery department. I said, ‘Hi’ to one of the gals. She yelled, ‘Boy, you are walking happy today!” I stopped to tell her that God caused my fancy foot work. We had a short conversation, then I went back to my desk and she continued her work. The one thing we really talked about was God’s presence.

In the midst of turmoil, and in the last few weeks, I have felt Him surround me with not only His love but also His peace. It is almost as if a heater has been turned on at the top of my head. As the peace flows throughout my body, each part becomes warmer, calmer and void of stress. And stress? Oh man, she has been quite a b**ch this week. As of yesterday, the air conditioner quite working. Also, I found out my cracked tooth needs to be pulled and replaced with either an implant or a bridge. Today, the dishwasher hookup broke. Let me just say thank goodness the dishes were Corelle brand and not China or else there would have been shards of glass in the sink as they hit after I threw them!!! Yep today was the piece de resistance and I was throwing plates, bowls, silverware and plastic cups. My youngest son poked his head into the kitchen to witness the commotion, then quietly retreated to his room. However childish it was, it felt good to release the anger.

But back to the peace…yep eventually as my heart rate came down, and my anger simmered, I began to feel calm, although it took an hour or so.

I know Jesus too had moments of frustration and fury. However, I also know He heavily relied on His Father, especially during the stormy times. I will say, I am sleeping fairly well despite all that is affecting my life right now. I do feel for God though. If I ever make it to heaven, I am sure He will not allow me to speak one word because I speak to Him so frequently now! But one thing is true, no matter the lows, nor the highs, nor the frustrations, the struggles, the doubts, the anger, the laughter, the fun…the life…I will ALWAYS follow Him.

Enjoy this video by one of my favorite groups THIRD DAY…

I M Possible

Doubt…what a dirty word. Just when courage shows its face, that D word, somehow creeps in until its uglyness buries hope’s light, suffocating the spirit with a blackness so deep it seems nothing can penetrate the shadows. It even envelopes the mind into surrendering.
Yet, the heart is not fooled. It continues its rhythmic beating, beating, beating, slowly spreading the tendrils of God’s Love throughout the bottomless pits of despair allowing Him to resuscitate life with deep compresses of faith. Slowly the mind and the spirit awaken from the brink of death. And doubt is extinguished, once more as His brillant light overtakes the darkness, restoring hope and belief.

What’s good this week?

1.) God-always
2.) A new chapter
3.) Plastic in my name & I don’t owe any payments yet. (Quite scary because I thought I owed something 2 days ago.)
4.) My parents for worrying.
5.) My sister for offering me a home
6.) My brother for offering his love.
7.) My son for a wonderful graduation…yes I did cry but not enough to embarrass him. And also, for him being so excited to being sent off next week to Boot Camp.
8.) My oldest cat, Tig.
9.) Living & breathing
10.) Having a job
11.) Constant reminders that everything, no matter what, is being taken care of by God & is in His hands.
12.) For kicking Doubt’s butt right OUT THE DOOR!!!!!!!!!!!!!
13.) God…always…forever…

Blessings,
Annie

 

When One Door Closes Another One…

Opens…sometimes barely creaking but with faith it will swing wide…

That is the moral of this week. Long story but the door on my marriage has closed. No specifics as to what escalated this week but it was a shock, unforgivable relationship wise and forced me to tell the man living with me to get out. He did. Guilty or not? I have evidence but still he warily admits wrong.

The door has closed and Monday I see a lawyer. Yet, my initial reaction was deep-seated anger. So deep-seated I kept going back to the evidence in disbelief. I just never imagined the man living here could harbor such a secret and then deny it. Guilty or not? All I know is what the evidence shows and the more I find the more I can’t believe the life he has chosen.

The door has shut. But my second reaction was one of heavy weights being lifted off my shoulders. Strange? Maybe. Both of us are to blame for the slow break down. But he is the primary one for the incident.

The door is locked…at least on my marriage. However, my faith is steadfast, my friends are embracing me and I know I will survive one day at time, one prayer at a time and one glance heavenward at a time.

My marriage is over. I finally admit it. Yet my life still goes on. And what does the future hold? I can’t tell because it is in the hands of God, right where it should be. And whatever comes my way I know I am never alone and just because love no longer resides in my marriage, I know I am still loved.

Blessings and knowledge that when one door closes another one is always open. And if you step over the threshold, peace will reign in Jesus’ love and God’s grace,
Annie

Accepting Others

Last Sunday, I went ‘back’ to church, attending a service at Orchard Grove Church in Walled Lake. The message of the sermon was so great it not only brought tears to my eyes but I have been thinking about it all week.

So…I decided to share it with you. It is part 2 of a series called ‘It’s All Good.’ Hope you enjoy it!

Blessings and looking forward to this week’s message!

Annie

PS…to view Part 1 go to http://orchardgrove.org and click on ‘Sermons: Our Latest Message.’

Out of the Box Worship

Hard to admit…but I have not walked into a church in quite a while, not even during the ‘holidays.’ Faith and God’s hand have always been in my life, but for one reason or excuse or another, I just haven’t felt ‘part’ of the churches we have frequented. I was raised Catholic, used to religiously go to mass every week, and never questioned the Church’s teachings. I even continued to go after the sex abuse scandal. It has only been in the last few years that I have ‘fallen’ away. I choose to be with God on my runs, or reading an inspirational book, browsing through my bible or attending religious concerts. Sad, though it is, after attending several religious concerts featuring Third Day, Michael W Smith & Steven Curtis Chapman, I felt more spiritually alive than when I visited our church. Yet, not going to church has caused some guilt to creep in.

God has NEVER left me so why am I not visiting Him?
God has NEVER turned His back so why am I turning mine?
Or am I?

I am a channel flipper when watching the boob tube. Why? Because I find it boring. Matter of fact the other night I couldn’t sleep. I got up, flipped through the channels and before you know it, I was snoring up a storm!!!!!!!! But sometimes, there are shows that can touch a human heart.  For the last few months, I found one, shown on the local cable station. I guess it was meant to be…

The show is broadcast from Walled Lake. The person is named Chris Cramer. His vocation is Pastor. His church is Orchard Grove. His message is one of faith, love, and based on the teachings of the Bible. However, he is not dressed in religious garments nor does he even look like a pastor. But does it really matter?

I have caught his ‘message’ on and off for awhile. If I miss one, I go to Youtube and watch. Last week, I took a drive and found the church. It is not what one would expect. In front is a HUGE white water tower with a cross on top. The building is a renovated office building. Just by the appearance alone, I was not so keen on attending. But, something inside whispered, ‘Go.’ And the as the week went on, the whisper got louder. Since they only have services on Sunday at 9:15 & 11:15, I thought, ‘I’ll go if I get up in time.’ So…this morning, the cat woke me up. Early enough to lounge in bed for awhile and then get ready…so I went.

All the way over, I kept saying to myself, ‘Keep an open heart, keep an open heart…’ Let me tell you, it is WAY DIFFERENT from the service I am used to. WAY DIFFERENT!!! And yes, it was hard to keep an open heart. When I arrived, there were parking attendants directing traffic. Each one waved a greeting as I passed. When I walked in the building, there was a gathering space where people were talking, laughing, congregating together drinking coffee, just enjoying themselves before the service. In front of the Worship Center doors was a ‘library’ where religious books, cd’s and other materials could be purchased. As I entered the Worship Space I thought, OH MAN THIS IS WAY WAY DIFFERENT. Two large screens were counting down the minutes till the service. Music was being played in the background. There were no pews or benches or cross hanging or altar. I picked a seat way in the back to ‘observe.’ As I watched I noticed people greeting each other with hugs, and not just a passing by hug but a full fledged hug. I felt uncomfortable because I was nervous about what the service would entail. Longer story short…

I am going back. I LOVED the sermon, which brought tears to my eyes. At one point, the silence was so still, a pin being dropped could have been heard. The parishioners were very diverse, older, younger, different cultures. The number of older people surprised me as the music was more Christian rock. It is not definitely NOT the church I grew up with. But it could possibly be a new ‘home’…I will keep you posted.

Blessings,
Annie

Sunday Prayer

Dear Lord,

Let me appreciate every day as a Birth Day…to begin again…to love again…to start over anew.
Let me appreciate life as it comes and not worry about the future.
Let me be peaceful each moment…each hour…each day.
And let me always be thankful for You.

Amen,
Annie