Job vs Career

I finally figured out my

Job is the one I report to everyday. The one, in the office, where I earn enough money to pay my bills, put food on the table and keep a roof over my head. The one which is different most days but has no inspiring influence on my life. Except when it affects my

Career, which is connecting and being there for others. Which results in being an inspiration to those who need a helping hand or a shoulder to cry on or a hug. In turn they inspire me by reflecting hope.

In the world today, there is a strong sense of busyness, self-centeredness and media hype. Unfortunately technology is overruling human connection. I have to wonder if that is one of the main reasons so many are depressed. And why so many have lost value and belief in themselves. Way too many comparisons and way too much unrealism.

It is only when we connect person to person that we begin to realize just how valuable we are.

As a result of my career, I believe in resurrecting people to people connections so the stories our souls are aching to tell can be heard.

It is then the heart can awaken the true self which has been forgotten and hidden from view.




Healing Brokenness

“I’m so broken.” moaned a friend.

Oh my God, aren’t we all?

And yet how many times has the answer been OK when the question ‘How are you?’ is asked?

There are days after hearing that question I want to spew my emotions and vomit all the negativity out. But I stop. Because God forbid the other person, who doesn’t know me at all, might think I’m a total nutcase! As for those who I know, I figure they don’t have the time to give the attention I am craving.

Well then why ask the question at all?

Maybe instead of posing that one, we could ask ‘What’s been the best part of your day so far?’

And then instead of acting interested, we allow ourselves to be in the moment, attentively listening, so as not to only hear the other person but to glean the vibes of emotion so we can help or guide or offer a small bit of advice or even a much needed hug.

All of us are broken. It is only when we wholeheartedly connect to one another, in vulnerable truth, that we can begin to heal.

The world is not only a frightening place but a very sad one. It has been a long time coming for us to lay down our racial views, our imperfections and our perceptions of others so each of us can begin to make a difference.

Yes it begins with one, but the force will get stronger if we join together and connect, not on a device, but person to person and heart to heart.

Maybe then we can heal the brokenness in each other and squelch the tide of suicide that has become so prevalent.

To the Spade Family

I wasn’t going to write about it since the incident has been splashed across the media ever since it happened. Then I read this

Kate Spade’s father reveals last conversation the night before her death.

It immediately saddened me. As a parent I can’t fathom the anguish of one day having my child alive, then the next day, dead. It is just inconceivable.

Yet a lesson that even the ones who love us the most don’t know the real us. Not to make less of Kate’s death in anyway. The reality is anyone of us could be in the same situation, feeling so alone, in the dark, that the only way to stop the pain is to make the choice to cease living.

Looking back I have had bouts of feeling depressed and very overwhelmed with circumstances in my life. During that time I kept a lot bottled up not only because I felt I made ‘my bed so I had to lie in it’ but also because I didn’t want to bother anyone.

Funny that now I hear words I have uttered to my youngest spouting from his mouth.

Mom, you have to talk about it so you feel better.

I have learned to share without shame. I have learned to bare my vulnerable side. And yes, I never know what response I will get. I have learned to love the friends I call family. But none of this is a guarantee that someday any of us could decide to go the way of Kate Spade.

I don’t condemn her nor do I judge her. For I have never felt pain so dark and grim that I wasn’t able to find light, no matter how small.

However I will say a prayer for her daughter, her husband and her dad that they don’t live the rest of their lives wondering what they could have done to prevent it. And in that prayer I will include that they think good memories of Kate so as to ease the grief and the guilt so they learn to laugh and love and fully live again.

And I will add a final prayer for Kate. That in ending her pain, she has finally found peace of body, of mind and of spirit.

Blessings to the Spade Family…

On The Job Stress Reliever

Yesterday morning, a colleague came to me expressing her angst over the day. Unfortunately the work day was only 2 hours old.

After she left I continued to ponder what I could do to make her day better. Then it hit me!!! I could schedule a P2 meeting with her. So I did.

Despite not knowing what a P2 meeting was, and a tad hesitant, she showed up at the designated time. I told her we had to venture to the cafeteria, where our meeting would take place.

When we got there I let the cat out of the bag, saying ‘We are here to play ping pong. Get it? P2 meeting?’

And she did. And we played. And we laughed and had fun and released the stress the day had brought. It was the perfect way to end the day for both of us.

As we walked back to our desks, I told her I would schedule another P2 meeting some time in the future. Her eyes sparkled as she smiled.

P2 meetings are the best. More importantly, it helps form connections and brings a bit of fun as well!



Look Again

Driving home from work I spotted a rather somewhat humorous and interesting license plate, with three letters. The three letters spelled BRA.

My first thought was why would anyone put this word on a license plate? Then I looked again. Maybe instead of a piece of clothing it might mean any of the following

  • Be Real Always
  • Be Richly Authentic
  • Becoming Really Amazing

What do you think it means? Leave your thoughts in the comments.


Measuring Up

As children, growth was shown as a line on the wall. And every year we watched as the line crept higher and higher. But there came a time when our growth stopped and there were no more lines. Yet we continued on.

As an adult, are you still moving forward or have you stopped?

After all measuring up is about you living the life you want, achieving the dreams you always had and turning regrets into success.

Measuring up is NOT about what others think of you or the direction they believe you should be taking. Yes, advice is good but in the end, only you can live the life you are meant to live. And only you can choose the path you are meant to walk.

Don’t allow the line of life or the line of someone’s opinion stop you from growing. For if you do you will never measure up to the potential you harbor within.



Woes of Parenting

The latest news features a 30 year old man being sued by his parents because they have tried evicting him and he won’t leave.

When my oldest son was in his early twenties and decided he didn’t want to work, amongst other things, I told him he had 3 months to pack his shit and get out. He choose to leave immediately and ended up being homeless for 9 months. He recently told me that was the best thing I did because he learned real fast being homeless was not the life he wanted.

My youngest son recently moved back in with me after graduating from college. He told me he has nightmares that he will still be living with me when he is thirty. He is currently 24. I told him don’t worry, I can guarantee you won’t be living with me when you’re that age because I won’t allow it.

Now I don’t know how the parents of this particular 30 year old raised him so I am not going to point any fingers.

What I do know is most parents nowadays befriend their children instead of parenting them. Yeah I get parents hate to watch their offspring fail or be unhappy or not have everything their little hearts desire. However life is a roller coaster of ups, downs, lows and highs, failures and successes. And if children are coddled throughout their lives then how will they ever learn to move through challenges, unexpected turns, losses, and disappointment? Most importantly how will they learn to take responsibility for their actions instead of blaming others?

In the case of this 30 year old I believe he is a spoiled brat who is taking advantage of a situation. He isn’t pursuing a career due to being a father, and claims he is a good father, yet he lost visitation rights. And is blaming the child’s mother. Yeah ok. Really makes me feel sorry for him. NOT!!!

Here’s a bit of advice for parents everywhere. Coddling and being a friend to your kids early in their lives, will only develop irresponsible, entitled and narcissistic adults. And there isn’t enough Advil in the world to cure the headaches you will surely face.

Offering a hand is one thing. But it is not a sin to step back, sometimes WAY back and let your children struggle through consequences resulting from their actions.

By no means am I a perfect parent. No parent is. But children have their own friends and need us to instill values, institute boundaries and discipline with love. Yes your kids will hate you. Comes with the territory. Yes your kids will rebel. Part of learning independence. And yes your kids will whine and scream and act uncivilized throughout the teen years. Disclaimer alert…that’s what they are supposed to do.

So if you have kids, know as a parent you will face battles, you will not be liked and you will lose your patience which will turn you into a hysterical screaming mimi. All par for the course.

But keep in mind, parents are to guide, to provide a loving home and discipline. Parents are not meant to be enslaved by the consequences of your child’s actions, especially when that child has become a 30 year old adult who has not taken responsibility for his choices resulting in becoming a deadbeat.

So if you are a parent be just that and not a friend. Believe me, there will come a day when you and your child can have that type of relationship. But first you need to establish a foundation where your children can develop into responsible, productive , emotionally mature and happy adults. And that means saying ‘no,’ being embarrassed by torrential tantrums inflicted from your child in public and not being considered the ‘cool’ mom or dad. Parenting is not about winning a popularity contest. Robert A Heinlein says it best, “Don’t handicap your children by making their lives easy.” It will only cause trouble in the end.