The last three days I have been on ‘vacation’ which has turned into personal time due to a dentist appointment and finally taking my info in to get my taxes done. Yesterday, I also decided to stop in a store I have passed several times on my way home called Leon and Lulu. A friend of mine raved about all the awesome things contained in this store. Since I have a $25 gift card I haven’t spent yet, I decided to go check it out and buy something for myself.
As the website indicates, this store is 15,000 square feet of fabulous shopping. It is filled with an electic mix of unique furnishings, clothing, fun toys for kids, books, pictures and handmade assorted knick knacks. They also offer free popcorn and coffee for their customers. I had so much fun, taking my time, browsing at everything. I especially loved the stoneware mugs inscribed with one word inspirational sayings and the handmade cat face change purse. There was so much to glance at, I went around the store twice!! Yet, I walked out with nothing, my gift card still intact.
You see, I have become a non-material girl, one who no longer needs things to fill a hole in my heart aching for love and attention. I cannot express the delight I felt, after divorcing, in downsizing. I not only learned to dust off the nasty feelings, of which some still linger, but I also purged the material items reminding me of a relationship that soured.
Yesterday, it was so freeing to just look at, pick up items, appreciate each thing, smile and know I did not need nor want any of it. Instead, in the back of mind, as I picked up the cat change purse, I reminded myself the practical uses I could achieve with the $25 gift card instead of splurging on something material I have no use for. It also helps to live in a space with not a lot of storage.
Lately, as well, I have been receiving coupons from Kohl’s. I even got a one for 30% off. Now mind you, it would be nice to buy some new outfits, update my shoes, and I do need a new pair of boots as my 10 year old Columbia boots have finally cracked open at the seam. However, the boots aren’t leaking yet, I have enough clothes in my closet to wear a different outfit every day of the week and despite the fact my tennis shoes are a bit worn, they are still comfy and with a little hand washing I know I can make them look new again. As for the coupons, every time I receive them, I scratch off for fun, then ditch them in the trash.
Due to the many self help and inspirational books I have read, borrowed free from my library, I have become a person who, on most days, because I am human, displays self confidence, upbeat esteem and a super positive attitude. And none of it is due to having a male companion in my life. All of it is due to me working on issues within, straightening up the house of my heart making it into a home, being comfortable with me as I am and realizing material things or someone else will NEVER fill me up nor make me happy. Only I, yes just I, myself, me can do that.
Not that I don’t long for someone in my life. But then I think about dating. Just talking to someone about that the other day, how she is on a dating website, putting herself out there yet finding out there a few ‘men’ who can’t even write a full sentence, making her think they probably can’t carry on an intelligent conversation. OMG!! Just the thought gives me the heebie jeebies!!! And then short of running a background check, how does one know if the other person is actually telling the truth of themselves or lying just to snag a date? I can tell I am NOT totally ready to immerse myself in that scene AT ALL!!!
For now, I am content living alone with my two cats and my youngest son when he comes home. My life is full of hope, love and satisfaction of who I have become and where I am going in life, of which I am still an explorer as new adventures appear. I can happily say, I did it my way, with no regrets. And, from now on, I can enjoy window shopping in stores filled with beautiful treasures, then walking out knowing I am blessed beyond words with the gifts of life, a roof over my head, warm bed to sleep in, cats who cuddle, family to take care of, nature blooming before my eyes and God’s grace. That is all I ever needed, it just took time to realize the truly important things that make life worth savoring.
Blessings,
Ann
Leaning on the Son 