Male Species Lessons

Ladies, gather round, this one’s for you and it concerns the perplexing, confusing, marvelous male species, of whom we love to love and often don’t understand.

My close dealings with males involves growing up with a brother, having male friends throughout my life and being in a marital relationship with one for almost 27 years. It was only after having my sons I finally ‘got’ the essence of male-hood.

First thing I learned is political correctness is obsolete in the world of males. They will talk and joke about anything including sex, girlfriends, wives, bodily parts and functions, etc. And most of the discussions involve some vulgarity and/or curse words. This does not indicate they are sexual harassing anyone or deviants of society. Plan and simple that is how boys/men are, even when they are dressed to the nines. So first word of advice, if you don’t appreciate this side of the male gender, and are already committed in a relationship, know you can’t change your man, so either deal with it or change your attitude towards it. You may find yourself laughing out loud more often which will help you live longer. I mean who really wants to spend the rest of their days with their panties in a wad? If you aren’t in a relationship, same advice as above with the addition that you may be better off staying single or exercising your tolerance muscle.

Second thing I learned is sometimes male behavior is down right ape like. Males have no qualms or shame about farting or burping out loud in public or using body parts to create other noises, regardless of the venue. Often in my home there are burp and fart fests. And admittingly sometimes it is vulgar and disgusting. Yet, that is half the fun for the males involved. Matter of fact, the louder and stinkier, the better. Most women don’t get this. They squirm, make faces and remark in a whiny high tone voice, “That’s so gross!” My oldest son had a friend who told me his mother did not allow burping in the house because she thought it was so vile. So what did he enjoy the most when he came to visit our house? He could burp as much and as loud as he wanted. In turn my son would join in resulting in both of them laughing so hard they were rolling on the floor!! My son also had a friend who demonstrated his talent of burping the entire alphabet. Yea, yea, yea I hear some of you ladies admonishing. Be careful those panties are getting more tightly wadded!! I will agree, in an elegant restaurant, at a wedding, or in a sacred setting, an eruption of burp and fart noises is quite unsettling. However if males can be themselves in a place where there is no criticism or rolling of eyes or complaining, their angelic sides will come out when needed.

Third thing I learned is males parent WAY differently than females. They love to wrestle. They aren’t worried about nutritional value in food. They don’t care if the kids are wearing mismatched clothes. They don’t tend to micro mama manage. They don’t take offense when a child announces ‘no more hugs, no more kisses.’ Nevertheless, they will shed a tear or two when the first one goes to college, or moves out or gets married. Which leads to the

Fourth thing…men are not as emotional as women. Let me repeat…men are NOT as emotional as women. As a result, men will not talk a problem to death or rehash about for it days on end or lose sleep over it. As a result, they tend not to hold grudges, gossip incessantly about someone’s alleged behavior and move through issues much quicker. Now sometimes they get all macho, acting like nothing can penetrate their bloated egos. Don’t for one minute believe this bull shit. It’s just an act. Regardless of what a man’s brain is thinking, they are just as human as you and I which means they have feelings too. It may take time and someone they feel safe with before they reveal themselves and let lose their emotions. More likely they need a guys night out and a beer. Then upon return, they will be back to the man you know.

Last, and most important thing I learned, which has also been communicated to me from several males, is no matter the age, males never grow up but stay boys at heart and in spirit. Some women even refer to their boyfriends and husbands as the biggest kids in the house. And that is one trait I would not want to change.

Granted, adult males should have a career or job of some kind and not be dedicated to playing video games 24/7. They should be respectful towards everyone, not just those of the female species. (Some women need to be reminded of this as well.) Nevertheless males are never going to be perfect. And neither are we ladies. The key to dispelling the mystique of the male species is to accept, wholeheartedly, who they are. Despite what is portrayed in the media, there are great men out there. Some of us are lucky enough to be in a relationship with one. Just remember, we were not put on this earth to change people into whom we believe they should be nor to change ourselves based on another’s perception. This isn’t possible if we can’t accept the essence of what makes a male who he is and what makes us females who we are. There will always be mystique between genders, but there is also room to get closer, support each other, help one another blossom, and freely give unconditional acceptance and love.

Blessings, Annie



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