Do You Know Where Your Heart Is?

At work, yesterday, another colleague stopped me and said, “Are you on drugs or drinking because you are ALWAYS happy!” My reply? “The year 2012, from choices I made and choices life made, was not a good year for me. After that I decided when my butt got kicked, I would refuse to stay down.” He smiled as he answered, “Well, whatever it is you have, I want some too!”

What is it I have?

Faith in God, who I know, even in my darkest hours, will never leave me alone. Yes, I may struggle. Yes, I may fall. But God will always find a way so I always see His light.

Family…my kids. Not so kids anymore but two big adults who tower over me by a foot. There not only exists respect but a deep love. And, I am teaching them how to remain positive and hopeful when circumstances or expectations go awry. For example, my youngest will be flying in tomorrow from his time at Fort Benning. Not only is he DEFINTELY ready to come home, but so am I! He called me last night as he finally had his itinerary. Well, needless to say, it pretty much blew up all the plans I had made. You see, instead of flying out right after graduation, he will not be flying out till 10 p.m. Which means he won’t be arriving in Indy till after 11 p.m. He was outraged with frustration. I let him talk, suggesting some alternatives. He ended his call with me and tried them but to no avail. Long, long story short…he ended up reconciling and accepting there was no earlier flight but at least he was coming home. And yes, I would be there, regardless of how late he was arriving.

Family…my parents. Through thick and thin, ups and downs, they have always had my back. Matter of fact they, at 87, were going to travel with me today to pick up my son tomorrow. Of course that was when we all believed he would be arriving during the early evening hours. Due to their age, making the trip late at night would surely jeopardize their health. So, they will be staying home. But we do have plans to catch up with them this weekend. The most important thing about them? We always end our time or a call with, ‘I love you.’

Letting go…sometimes things just don’t turn out. Sometimes people let us down. Sometimes choices made aren’t always good. Sometimes the past bites us in the ass. Sometimes…life just is like that…so sometimes accepting what is, including all the emotions – good or bad, and letting go is the only way. I have found fighting through a situation can sometimes be worse. It is almost as if the fight prolongs. If I accept and let go, I end up coping with it better and ultimately finding a solution.

Gratitude…simple prayer I regularly pray? Thank you.

R & R…sounds pretty good but I believe most people have forgotten how to just…be…still; how to just…be…quiet; how to just…be. I am supposed to be traveling today. But as mentioned above, due to my son’s flight, my plans were altered. I thought about going into work instead of using up a vacation day. But I also know tomorrow is going to be a late night filled with excitement and emotions as I have not seen my son since last December. So, I am choosing today to rest and relax. After all vacation does not necessarily mean ‘going away,’ it could also mean a respite from the daily hustle and grind of the work day.

Finally, surrounding myself with inspiration, including people who aren’t ‘Debbie downers’ all the time. I constantly read books that help me grow spiritually, mentally and life wise. Some I don’t necessarily agree with. Others I just eat up. However, all of them, in one fashion or another, have shaped who I have become today. As for people, I am learning not to judge or make any assumptions, just accept. It is a challenge I am tweaking everyday.

So, will I always be in the place I am now? I can only hope as I take each day, one at a time. I will say my life is much more peaceful, content and happy than it was. And I am truly grateful I changed my situation, renovated myself, made my home a sanctuary and learned what is most important. As Mary Oliver said…

When it’s over, I want to say: all my life I was a bride married to amazement.
I was the bridegroom, taking the world into my arms.
When it is over, I don’t want to wonder if I have made of my life something particular, and real.
I don’t want to find myself sighing and frightened, or full of argument.
I don’t want to end up simply having visited the world.

And while I am here, I wish to leave a footprint of hope, optimism, love, faith and gratitude. I am one and I am changing the world, one person, one space, one moment at a time.

Blessings,
Annie

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