When I divorced and moved, I packed stuff up, labeled boxes and started over. My youngest is now stationed at Fort Benning for the next month. His coming home wish? To finally have a bedroom that is not a storage room but a room with a real bed and comfy mattress. (For the last two years, he has been sleeping on a mattress set that is quite lumpy to say the least!)
So, this week, I began cleaning, sorting, emptying, throwing out and deciding what to give to charity. Today I ended up finding my year book from my Senior year of high school. Since we have not had a reunion in a while, I decided to do some investigative work using Google. But let me start with a bit of background info…
In high school, I was labeled a ‘choir geek.’ I was not part of the popular crowd, nor did I wish to be. I also sang my own songs by not following any particular group. As a result, I was teased, made fun of and had quite a low self esteem. It has taken me several years of self-therapy to buff up myself to get to where I am today. As a result here is what I discovered…
All of the girls I thought were pretty, at least on the outside, (inside was another story)…were not so anymore. All of them had aged, changed hair colors, gotten fatter. And as I looked at their Senior pictures I realized they weren’t naturally beautiful but most of their photos had been ‘enhanced’ to make them appear so. I found the girls I believed were ordinary looking were not so, but actually beautiful. It could also be due to the fact I knew these ‘ordinary’ looking gals were also the ones who were compassionate, caring and understanding.
Then I browsed through the guys. Interestingly enough, the boys who I was attracted to or thought were ‘foxy’…okay, I graduated in the 80’s and that was the word we used to describe someone who had utterly delicious looks! Anyway, they were pretty much a carbon copy of the next ‘foxy’ guy. And yes, even some of these I found through Google had aged, lost hair, gained weight and did not have an ounce of foxiness left.
Granted, since high school, I have gained weight, my hair is speckled with gray, I have laugh lines and am far from looking like I am in high school. THANK GOD!!! However, my personality still shines. My heart has grown with compassion. And, I have learned quite a few lessons attending the University of Life. Here is one I learned today…no matter how big a person may think their britches are, or how gorgeous they may believe they are or how entitled they feel to ‘bully’ someone…they will eventually grow up. And as an adult, things change. Sometimes for the good, sometimes for the bad.
Today, I realized the girls who were ‘bitches’ and the guys who were ‘stuck-up’ toads will never have the power they exerted over me and other ‘geeks’ in high school. You see, then they may have been popular, allowed certain ones to join their clicks and had everything going for them. The reality today is they are just as ordinary as everyone else.
That is what aging does. That is what growing up does. That is what getting away from those you allow to persuade you to live their way does. This is the reality of adult hood.
It is a shame that even today the things I experienced are still going on today but at a much more exhilarated speed. I wonder what would have happen if the barriers clicks and bullies build around themselves were torn down and everyone was treated with respect, acceptance, caring and understanding. I imagine suicides would diminish, ‘ordinary’ would be consider beautiful or handsome and bridges would be erected between one heart to another. I imagine childhood and the teenage years would be quite different. And just maybe, we could agree to disagree with love.