Last night I could not sleep. My mind so wanted to continue with the post about Childhood Smackdown. (To read it, click on the following-https://trstingod.wordpress.com/2014/07/09/childhood-smack-down/. ) So I stayed up till 12:30 writing, writing, writing…and I when I returned to bed, I SLEPT so soundly I almost did not hear my alarm go off this morning!
I have decided, after some more soul searching today, not to regale you with what I wrote last night. It’s long. It’s winded. It’s best to just delete it. However, the trip of finding the hidden truth within our soul always requires a stop at the souvenir store where all truths are revealed, whether we, the shopper, like it or not! Oh, how overspending hurts!!! And boy did the truth come out. But the question still stands…why did I take the rejection so personally this time? Despite some events and comments that caught me off guard, I was too busy getting off on thinking I was ‘liked.’ Yep, another smack down of childhood, the inevitable if someone likes me, I AM WORTHY!!!! Jeesh, as an adult I should have outgrown this one a LONG TIME AGO!!! But sometimes the things I think I have gotten through arise to remind me I need to do some more work. Leading me into how to survive being kidnapped when Childhood smack down rips through your life.
1,) Exorcise the bothersome stuff by writing about it, talking it over with someone or seeking professional help. I have a couple of tried and true ‘therapies’ I use when I need to exorcise the demons of my childhood. No matter what time of day or night it is, I boot up my laptop, head to my blog and furiously type whatever comes to mind. I don’t worry about getting it ‘right.’ I just let whatever flows to come alive on the page with the words, the letters, the expletives I put down. However, I have learned, when I am writing in this manner, as soon as I finish, I DO NOT hit the send button, or post it in my blog. I save it to let it simmer overnight or a day or two or even a week or so. Then, when I am ready I reopen it, read it and see if I can find the hidden truth somewhere between the lines. Quite often I find it resulting in a revision of my spirit and soul so as to move through whatever negativity has occurred in my life. Another thing I do is get in the car and drive anywhere. Like ‘Calgon’ takes some of us away, driving to an unplanned destination or place takes me away and allows me to think more clearly. The last thing I do is clean my home. Taking care to sweep up, vacuum, dust off and mop not only helps everything shine but it also clears the cobwebs from my mind.
2.) Don’t ignore your feelings but don’t take action, especially if you are angry. I know how hard it is not to react when we feel we are being attacked. However, one thing I have learned is during those times, it is best to remove yourself from the situation and find a space where you can calm down. That may mean going to your car for 10 minutes or so; walking around the outside of the building where you work; going to the restroom, locking yourself in a stall, sitting still and slowly breathing in and out. Whatever it takes to restore peace so you can objectively look at why you reacted the way did.
3.) Realize and accept who you were as a child does not have to be who you are today. Some of us grew up in two parent homes or single mom homes or abusive homes or homes where the parents ruled or even drug riddled homes. It does not matter now. You know why? Because every day you have the opportunity to make a difference in your own life. You can’t change what occurred in the past but you can stop the madness you endured by changing the way you behave or raise your kids or relate with your parents or how you react when childhood smacks you down so hard you don’t think you can get up. But you can if you substitute the word ‘try’ with ‘will.’ You can break the pattern. You just have to have the guts to face the fear of the unknown, be vulnerable and embrace the essence of you, flaws and all.
4.) Accept the fact that every one, no matter how positive they act or how perfect their life seems or how much they brag about their big house, their fancy cars and their angelic children, has some sort of issue simmering underneath, just waiting to burst. However, the thing differentiating you from them is the fact you are digging deep into your heart to find the truth buried underneath all the crap you have encountered so you can cure what is ailing your spirit so as to evolve into the person you were meant to be.
5.) Listen to your intuition. The ‘gut’ knows the truth all the time. However, stuff like excuses, low self confidence, fear, and not believing in oneself can sway us to ignore what we know to be true, even if there is not tangible proof.
6.) Stop comparing yourself to others. Remember, the grass is greener on the other side because it gets watered more often but that does not make it any better than the grass growing underneath your feet. You are who you are for a reason. And if you believe you are not worthy, can’t make a difference, or don’t deserve to have a great life, I am here to tell you…YOU ARE WRONG!!!! This is another opportunity to stop the messy madness childhood left behind. So get busy, sweep up all that dirt, dump it in the trash and throw it out!!! The time is NOW for you to start living as you, not a cookie cutter cut out of someone else.
7.) When someone hands you crap on a muddy platter, do not feel obligated to take it. Whatever they are emotionally spewing is not your responsibility to take on and own. Their struggle is their problem, not yours. Now, you can listen, offer advice or even extend a hug. However, you don’t deserve to be defeated by someone else’s dirty mess.
8.) Learn not to feel guilty when you say, ‘No’ to whatever is requested of you. For women, this one is a hard one to get past as most of us are so used to taking care of others, sometimes I think it becomes an addiction of sorts. As a result, when we come down off the high, we are so burned out we get crotchety, anxious, bitchy and every little thing sets off the demoness living inside. So, starting today, park yourself in front of the mirror and start practicing saying no. Notice how you look when you say it. Notice how you feel. Notice if your stress level goes up or your heart is pounding. From experience, I know how hard this two letter word can be to utter. Regardless, it is time to start, once in while, putting yourself first, and kicking the guilt trip out the door. I guarantee the more you say no, the easier it gets.
9.) Do not dwell on what could of been, dwell on what is. SPOILER ALERT…that means living in the moment, one day at a time, and not wasting your life regretting the past!!! Yes, go there when the nasties of childhood invade your life, figure out the thorn, then yank it from your life so you can move forward into a future waiting to surprise you with things you never would have thought of. You survived childhood, now it is time, as an adult, to be much more by living out loud every single moment you have left.
10.) Forgive…your parents, whoever wronged you as a child, the molester, the beater, the life your child went through, the conditions your child lived in, the bully, the friend who betrayed you, the teachers who didn’t get you, the person who judged you. Most importantly, forgive yourself. I know this one is SUPER hard. I also know forgiveness heals the scars, helps to move out and over childhood smack downs and will free you from the chains holding you back from soaring into a life you have wished for, you have hoped for and you deserve as an adult.
11.) Find an affirmation or positive quote, type it up or write it down on a piece of paper, then put it in a place where you will see it everyday so you start to believe it. Once a week, find another quote to post in a different spot. Pretty soon, your home will be filled with so much positivity your childhood will not even knock at your door!
and finally…one last one…
12.) Wrap your arms around yourself as tight as you can, start with a whisper then gradually move into a shout and repeat over and over, after me…
I love you.
Because only you can figure out how to change the course your childhood is directing. Only you can face the past so as to shed light onto the future. Only you can turn a smack down into a life so awesome, you can’t wait to get up, dance into the day and effortlessly climb whatever mountain you are forced to face.
This is your time. Be unstoppable. Grab the bull by its horns and don’t let go till it gets so tired, it sinks to the ground. Live out loud in the here and now. Fall in love with yourself. Find one thing a day to laugh out loud about. And know you are good enough, strong enough, beautiful enough, kind enough and worthy enough. All you have to do is believe, like I believe in you.