As of today, I have been employed at my new job for 7 months 3 days, and for the first time, in many years really enjoying all the challenges, the people, and my work. And in all that time, I have not made one major mistake. Minor ones, yes, but nada, nil, zilch major ones till today…
It was horrible!!! Especially since a plant manager, in another location, caught the mistake, leading me, as I was redoing the assigned project to catch 3 MORE!!!!! I felt panic, fear and shame implode my body all at once. My face quickly flushed red. My pits began sweating. My body temp went haywire. My eyes glazed over, trying to focus so as not to break down and cry. My heart, it just leapt right into my throat. My insides began to quiver. I wanted to run as fast as I could, crawl under the desk, click my heels together and go home. My confidence was totally shredded to smithereens. Like experienced, in the past, I expected words filled with blame, degradation and humiliation to spew from my boss’ mouth.
Yet, despite the encroaching negative feelings escalating through my spirit, no harsh words were spoken. Yes, I did get talked to, but calmly, with understanding and with a well stated ‘fix’ to adhere to for the future. It felt odd, knowing I f***ed up, at least in my mind, however only my performance was being reacted to, not who I was. I sat still in awe. I just couldn’t believe it! It didn’t clear up the self criticism flowing through my skull, but it did help to know mistakes, no matter the size, were accepted, with no repercussions.
As I drove home, I continued to ponder this event. I figured out why making mistakes is so hard for me. It has nothing to do with being perfect, although at one time I believed otherwise. The reason I
hate loathe despise making mistakes is because I do everything possible to recheck, fine tune and pay attention to detail, trying to avoid the intentional error. Yes, that is the eye opener…I don’t intentionally make mistakes. I mean really, does anyone intentionally screw things up? After all, isn’t that what a mistake is, something not done on purpose?
The best thing? I opted to enclose a note, to each person whose project I erred on, taking responsibility and offering an apology, which my boss, God Bless her, made very professional.
Moral of story? I am human. I am far from being perfect. I will continue to make mistakes. It’s a fact of life. Know what else? I am still a good person. I still have integrity. I still accept all of me as is. I still love me for who I have become and who I am becoming. And I am proud of myself in admitting my mistake…both the one discovered by someone else and the ones discovered by me…taking responsibility and offering my profuse apologies.
It is not easy to come clean, admitting human error. Matter of fact it downright sucks. However, I believe not giving myself permission to err or forgive myself instantly is worse. So I vow to
Hereby acknowledge that on occasion it is completely normal/human/expected
that mistakes will occur, and that when they happen I will not spend an exorbitant
amount of time beating myself up over them.
I give myself full permission to make mistakes on a regular basis.
(found while looking for quotes on ‘mistakes’)
Will it be easy? Hell no!!!! But life isn’t supposed to be and learning comes from risking which inevitably leads to slips, falls, trip ups, failures, errors, mistakes and imperfect moments, all of which can lead to wonderful insights, solutions, untraveled paths and open doors if one welcomes them in.
Blessings for when you err on the side of being human,