Writer or Not? That is the Question.

As long as I can remember, I have had the itch to write. In grade school, I wrote poetry. In high school, I wrote my first ‘creative’ essay, not following the traditional format schooling had pushed. In college, I took a creative writing class, then I stopped…writing…for a long time. At that time, I was about 19 years old, wary of the world, too stubborn to alter my voice and not confident enough to take constructive criticism. It was the criticism of my writing which caused me to think I wasn’t good enough so I might as well just quit. Oh, if I met myself at that age now, I would smack myself up side the head, give myself a super duper lecture and let myself know your professor is not criticizing you, he is offering advice to make your writing better, smoother, more coherent! But, the itch never left. I just learned to ignore it then stuff it down until five years ago.

The itch continued, getting so bad I knew if I didn’t scratch it, I would be driven crazy!!! So, even though I was hesitant, as I had not written something of my own in ages, I started researching ways to ‘begin’ the journey of becoming a writer. I found WordPress, found how easy it was to create a blog, and knew it would be a perfect place to put down my thoughts. Since then, I have changed the name of my blog, bounced from theme to theme, and sporadically kept up with writing. Yet, I still felt ashamed at calling myself a ‘writer’ because I did not write every day, only when I felt the urge. Was I still a writer? Of course, but as life pushed its way in, I kept my blog, but once again stopped. Then started up. Then stopped. It was only after moving through my cancer, my divorce and thinking life had settled, that the itch became stronger. I was holding on to resentment, addressing issues within myself and walking a new path. It hit me, in order to really live out loud, I had to rid myself of the baggage I was still carrying. In order to rev up my self-esteem, I had to be brutally honest about my journey. In order to stay upbeat and optimistic, I had to visually see how far I had come. And if my voice helped another, it would make the telling of my journey all the more worthwhile. As a result, I decided to take advice.

You see, most writers recommend buckling down, finding a space and writing every day. OMG!!! Scary to say the least as I thought what the heck could I possibly write about that would fill 365 days? But I figured I would give it go. So I began a routine. Every week day, I started coming home, making dinner, watching a bit of the boob tube, grabbing my laptop and writing. I figured it I wrote at least one sentence a day, it was something. Gradually, the writer emerged, noticing things that I wished to write about. The words started flowing and I have found myself looking at the world through different lenses.

A few days ago, Lucy endowed me with the Versatile Blogger Award. I had read it twice before it really sunk in!!! WOW!!! But getting the award was only the cake, the icing was Lucy’s comment, “I really enjoy your blog.” Yea, humbleness overcame me. It doesn’t matter if my blog is liked or not. But it is nice to be recognized a writer. So, I am supposed to recognize 15 other versatile bloggers, which means I better get reading, post 7 things about myself…

1.) I relish peace and quiet. It helps me think, allows me to hear nature and soothes me to sleep.
2.) I have an addiction…to books, not Kindle type books, but real bound paper made ones. Oh, nothing like the smell of a new book in the morning!
3.) I love to laugh out loud and believe if adults laughed out loud more it would cure depression, corporate constipation, and make stress more bearable.
4.) I used to work for a hot air balloon company and even got to ride in one!
5.) Prayer is my calm. Nature is where I feel most connected with God.
6.) The space I feel most at peace is at Cross in the Woods in Indian River, Michigan.
7.) I have learned just because others don’t ‘get’ me, doesn’t mean I should stop being me.

display the award…
and of course…

THANK YOU LUCY!!!!! You made my day!!!

Am I a writer now? You know I always was. I just didn’t believe in myself.



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