Due to the cold temps and on again off again snow blusters, I decided to catch up on shows I DVRed but never watched. Some go as far back as last November!!!! That is what happens when one is addicted to reading!
Anyway, I clicked on a more recent taping of Oprah’s Lifeclass, with Greg Behrendt and his wife Amriia Ruotola. Greg has written several books about relationships, for women, including, He’s Just Not That Into You, It’s Called a Breakup Because It’s Broken and the most recent It’s Just a F***ing Date. After being divorced for a year, I am still working on me, however I am eager not to fall into another relationship that I had when I was married. That is if another one comes along. I am not looking nor I have been asked out nor I am really interested in dating. I am quite content where I am right now, alone, independent, at peace. But I love to learn and this show was full of great tips. I plan on reading this book as well as the others he has written. Hey, it couldn’t hurt, right?
Here are the things I learned while watching:
The 6 Biggest Dating Myths are-
1.) A man would make my life complete.
If you, as a person, aren’t confident, aren’t happy, don’t feel worthy, NO ONE is going to make you complete. ONLY you, yes YOU can do that! As for dating, think of the first date as a dress rehearsal for the second date. Women have the power to make men work for their commitment. So why are women always giving their power away?
2.) I just can’t hold back.
Once I get going, I can talk up a storm, about everything and anything. However, on a date, the guy sitting opposite does not want to know nor needs to know everything about you. Revealing too much information too fast is a turn off. Guys want a relationship to progress naturally and not rush into things. First dates should be about finding what likes both of you have. It should also be fun. As Amriia stated, “Don’t go into a date thinking I hope he likes me, I should impress him. Go into the date thinking I hope I like him and he impresses me.”
3.) He shouldn’t care how I look.
Yes, most guys interviewed on the show, preferred a woman who shaved, wore a bit of makeup, arrived in appropriate clothes rather than a yoga outfit dripping with sweat and had the appearance that the woman cared enough about herself to take care of herself. However, I don’t currently wear makeup, love to hang out in sweats and big sweatshirts or jammies on the weekends, wait eons to get my hair cut and yes, currently my legs are bit hairy but my underarms are neat and shaved. I have no issues with spiffing myself up but if a guy truly loves the essence of me, he needs to accept the above as well as accepting my less than model body, my gray hair and my beautiful wrinkles. Just as I would accept him in his normal state of being himself. (Although I find a man is most sexy in a pair of tight jeans and an untucked flannel shirt. HUBBA-HUBBA!!)
4.) Sex will never seal the deal.
Even Steve Harvey is advocating women don’t give it out on the first date, instead waiting for at least 30 days before sex is part of the relationship. No matter how many days, months, or years a person has gone without, and feels urgent sexual feelings towards someone on the first date, the advice today was, you need to know who you are as a person. You get to set the rules for who you are. You get to decide what happens and when. And once a guy gets his fix, chances are he won’t be coming back.
5.) I only attract losers.
You will attract whatever you are. If you allow people to walk all over you…well then that is who will enter your door. If you are walk tall with confidence, then that is who will come on over. As Amriia stated, “When you’re a watcher, you attract losers. When you’re a doer, they don’t exist for you.” It’s a matter of continuing on your singular path that honors you. That means not settling, not compromising and realizing life has and always will continue to come in a different package than what you expect. As Greg reminded the audience, “You can want a man. But if you need a man, need controls you.” There is a big difference. He also reminded the audience if the ‘right’ one has not entered your life, then it is not meant to be yet.
6.) Men can’t handle my success.
The warning here is if a man states he is intimidated by your success, he is breaking up with you. The guys interviewed stated they think it is awesome when a woman is successful and both parties should be comfortable within themselves to support each other regardless of which party is more successful. As Greg commented, “If a man is intimidated by you, he is a weak ass man. And who wants to be around a weak ass man?” I know about this as I was the one, in my marriage, with the balls. I remember standing up to my ex mom-in-law, after years of her mouthing off her opinion. My ex bro-in-law called to tell me I possessed some balls as no one had ever stood up to here before. Not shortly after that, he acquired some balls and finally stood up to her as well. My ex? Yea, I would still be waiting.
Here are two important tips Amriia provided to some questions:
“If a man texts you, text back…call me for the answer.”
“Don’t redress a man a man in your head. Recognize the reality of him, not the potential. The minute you are trying to make him more acceptable to you, you’ve lost.”
Great show and can’t wait to delve into their books! And since I am mature, I did take notes so I would remember all of the above. 🙂 Hopefully, it has provided some grand advice for those single ladies, as Oprah said, ‘From 18-80.’